Depression

12th July 2012;

Some times I wish I could turn back time and be a kid again. The carefree life that everyone once have is an envy to all. I thought back of the days when I was still a child, the sweet memory of happiness.

Then I thought back of now. How unhappy my life is now. Where is the joy? What is happiness? I feel so clueless and lost.

Then there are time when I wish I could just grow up and be an adult. Live my own life, without anyone telling what to do. But in reality, there is always someone more superior that us. In all ways. Unless you're God. We're still slaves.

I suppose there are many people out there facing the same related problem. This feeling, unloved? When you're so lonely and your mind starts to ponder. Do the people I call my family, even care about me? Parents are always busy with their life. Having a sister with a 9 years age gap. I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own house. Not being old enough or eligible enough to do anything except to study all these ridiculous subjects that we are forced to study like donkeys. Is this life?

I know we all have a choice to choose how to live our lives. But how?

13th July 2012 ;

Define fair.

What is fair.

I feel so upset today. Little thoughts trigger me to tear. Upset. Depressed. In despair.

A friend told me, God is fair.

But why do I feel so lost and lonely?

14th July 2012; 

Today is the day. The day I will regret my whole life. Not being able to go to Khalil Fong's concert at Genting Highland. I cried the whole day. Literally. Life is so unfair. Why didn't my parents let me go? It's a once in a lifetime event.

That morning, my parents went out leaving me and my sister at home. They didn't even notice that I was so upset. I didn't even bothered. They didn't care, they never did.

I couldn't stop myself from crying and tearing. I was listening to Khalil Fong's songs the whole entire day. No kidding. I cried myself to sleep while listening to his songs.

I really wanted to go. Please let me have another chance. Please.

Not being able to have what you want so badly till nothing can even cheer you up. Not even a Chanel bag could cheer me up. This is how upset I was.

I think I have depression now.

Missing this beautiful sight... Regret of my life...

你應該清楚

對愛情誰越不在乎越不會輸

就算要分開不會哭也不痛苦

繼續裝酷

到最後一定會勝出

但留不住幸福

♥ 

Rosy if you hear me 

Won't you dare come near me

I cross my heart I've got a lot to earn

And Rosy if you see me 

You had best believe me

Oh I got a love I have to give

Forgive me being the one who said goodbye

♥ 

說LOVE OH LOVE 這是什麼

OH GIRL你嘴邊的話算什麼

LOVE OH LOVE 你怎麼了

不不不不不 愛不是贏或輸

BABY別太壞 BABY別破壞

別總是偷偷摸摸 讓我想哭

要我吃醋 你讓我發怒

不乖乖baby就要說88

♥

Cried my eyeballs out :'(

Definitely not my week. Spent my weekend cleaning up the whole house while my parents and sister laze around the house. Unfair. I didn't even buy anything when we go out, instead, my sister and mother bought so many things. Maxine got the most stuff because she throws tantrums and shows her asshole shitface attitude. I have been helping my dad do his work and I get nothing. Not even allowance. Unfair. 

Depressed. 

Homicide

I never thought it would happen here. I never thought that reality would actually be so scary.

How cruel can human beings get? It seems never endless.

What has happen... To us? To our planet? To our society? To our home? To our self?

Murder.

Where is your humanity? I just couldn't believe it. I always though it was just something you see in the TV show or in movies. Never once could image that something like this would happen. So close to me. So close to the place I call home. The place I grew up.

I always thought Damansara Jaya was a pretty safe and developed place. Well educated people. But now, I do not know any more.

9th of July 2012;

Started my day by getting scolded by my mother for something that I think I am not found guilty and I was not deserved to be scolded. It was 5 minutes to 7:00am in the morning as I went and check on my mother to see if she was ready to go to school or not. I shouldn't be surprise to even see her still in her pyjamas. As expected, I should have went and check on her earlier, and yet I still got scolded.

School was pretty lifeless as I had to stay in class while quite a number of people in my class had went down for a pre-practice session for sports day this coming Wednesday. During accounts period, teacher gave us a test, which I didn't manage to finish or balance. As the bell went off at 1:05pm, we were all reminded by our add maths teacher that today was Monday and Monday school ends at 1:40pm. Another extra period of add maths.

Just as I thought the torture was over, no.

When school finally came to an end, I had to walk to tuition. As I was walking, I saw a police car went zooming pass me on the opposite road. Then I saw a lot of police. Quarantining the road where I pass by almost everyday since I was 2 years old. Yes, I have been living under the same roof for 14 years. Dad, after what has happen, I really wish we could move somewhere else more luxurious. But sadly, that's still a dream in the making. Or should I put it, my dream to have a new house. An illusive dream that reality has not made its presence yet.


There were a few police trying to control the traffic flow. The entire road was blocked out. I met up with Edwin as we were walking to tuition, we were curious of what had happen. My guessings are always accurate. Not surprise. Someone was dead. A murder. A homicide. It was the least expected thing I could have imagine. The way this inhuman being has carried out his murder. Just terrifying. 


I didn't want to be a busy body to see what had happen as all the others were gathering around the scene. I just told them to tell me what happen. As I was walking to my tuition centre, I overheard someone said: "Have they taken it away?" I knew something was wrong. 


Finally I reach my tuition centre and I asked my teacher what had happen. First word, murder. I was in complete shock when he told me what he had heard. I was completed grossed out when he told me that the body was cut into half. Seriously, how can one be so cruel? How can you even sleep at night? Why are there such heartless people in this world? Perhaps I have no rights to judge, but God gave us humanity and this doing isn't one thing close to being a human. A psychopath. 


Here is the link ; This is what the star online wrote. Very efficient of them to report so quickly.

"PETALING JAYA: Part of a decomposing human body was found at Jalan SS22/41 in Damansara Jaya here Monday.

The remains, comprising the lower part of the body from the hip to the ankles, was discovered after heavy showers around 11.50am.

Petaling Jaya OCPD Asst Comm Arjunaidi Mohamed said the remains could have been washed up from a nearby drain which had overflowed during the rain.

"So far, we can tell that it is a man and he has been dead for a few days, at least judging from the state of decomposition," he said.

He added that the remains were sent to the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre for a post mortem."

I just really hope all these bad things would just end. It feels like as the world develop day by day, the more problems we face. So many cases or robbery and death for the pass few weeks. Every single day actually. Just flip through the papers for the pass month or so, you'll see snatch thieves, abortion, murders... 


What is the point of harming others just to get what you want? If you were to die alone and not harm anyone, then you are responsible of your own life. But if you take action to harm someone else's life, that my friend, is a sin. I just don't understand why would anyone do such thing. People are getting crazier day by day. Perhaps we were all crazy since the beginning of time. 


To think back, it wasn't unusual for the people in other countries. For example, the United States and London. One of the classic and famously known is Jack The Ripper. Over a hundred years, detectives had tried to solve this mysterious case, and yet till today it is still a dark mystery. You could always Google us murder and a million cases will come up. 


Just the fact that we never really imagined that one day it would happen to us. 


May God Bless Us.   

Before the Flight

A month just flew pass and its time for Aunty Juanita to go back to Sweden. A month seems long, but it actually isn't. I hope they had an enjoyable trip and a safe flight home too! Hope to see you soon! Perhaps this time we'll go to Sweden?? But I'm a person who can't stand the cold. I don't even use the air conditioner to sleep, even in this humid hot country, Malaysia. Guess I'm pretty used to this, plus I'm helping to save my dad's electricity bill too.

My hair was pretty crappy that day and I was told that we were going to have another family photo shoot again today. Oh well, guess this will have to do.

We had our late lunch at around 3pm. By the time everyone gathered at my house, it was already pretty late. We went all the way to Kepong just to have lunch. We had two fishes, one my dad got from his friend from Sabah and another one Aunty Michelle brought. The place was quite special, because the restaurant is located inside the gated housing area. A very odd place to have a restaurant when every where around you are bungalows and semi-d's. How can this even be considered gated? 

Once again, I was placed at the kids table. Oh fine, the less GRAND food table. The other table had fish, crab and etc. Shall not complain, I'm already so fat. 

After our late lunch, Aunty Michelle phoned the picture studio if we could come in at around 5pm. But they already had another session with someone else, so we had to take the later session. We had a few hours to waste and Maxine wanted to go all the way to Cheras. She seriously is one of the most stubborn kids, aren't we all? Maxine gets whatever she asks for. Yes, Maxine gets everything. 

Damian, Xander and Xanson came along too. The grown ups when back home to chill and get ready, I suppose? I was merely being a babysitter, making sure the kids don't go losing themselves in the shopping complex. I hope they had much more fun than I did. 

After having so much fun, my parents brought them ice cream too! 

 Dang it! Focus wrong. I couldn't retake cause the guy said NO PICTURES ALLOWED.

Who made up that stupid rule. What is wrong with taking pictures McDonald. 

I seriously hate it when people say, no pictures allowed. I don't see the sense in this.

After finishing their ice cream, we went all the way to Empire Shopping Gallery where the photo studio is located. The studio is called "The Picture Company". A very cute setting and a very fun experience. I hope the picture turns out well! Can't wait to see them!

Dad and Mum had to attend another party, so they had to leave early. Me and Maxine followed our uncles and aunt to have dinner. We walked to Subang Parade which is located just next door. Uncle Maggil has a friend that owns a restaurant there call "Chill Out". Its a bistro and bar type of restaurant. The lightings were pretty dark, pubs and bistros are like this? The food was pretty good, I can't believe my stomach can fit so much food. Goodness gracious. I had like 5 slices of pizza, an entire plate of fettuccine, lamb kebabs, chapati and nan. How can my stomach fit so much food! Not to mention desert! Ice Cream. Goodness, I'm as fat as a pig. FATTER. Why God Why, did I eat so much?

Viva La España!