Some times I wish I could turn back time and be a kid again. The carefree life that everyone once have is an envy to all. I thought back of the days when I was still a child, the sweet memory of happiness.
Then I thought back of now. How unhappy my life is now. Where is the joy? What is happiness? I feel so clueless and lost.
Then there are time when I wish I could just grow up and be an adult. Live my own life, without anyone telling what to do. But in reality, there is always someone more superior that us. In all ways. Unless you're God. We're still slaves.
I suppose there are many people out there facing the same related problem. This feeling, unloved? When you're so lonely and your mind starts to ponder. Do the people I call my family, even care about me? Parents are always busy with their life. Having a sister with a 9 years age gap. I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own house. Not being old enough or eligible enough to do anything except to study all these ridiculous subjects that we are forced to study like donkeys. Is this life?
I know we all have a choice to choose how to live our lives. But how?
13th July 2012 ;
What is fair.
I feel so upset today. Little thoughts trigger me to tear. Upset. Depressed. In despair.
A friend told me, God is fair.
But why do I feel so lost and lonely?
14th July 2012;
Today is the day. The day I will regret my whole life. Not being able to go to Khalil Fong's concert at Genting Highland. I cried the whole day. Literally. Life is so unfair. Why didn't my parents let me go? It's a once in a lifetime event.
That morning, my parents went out leaving me and my sister at home. They didn't even notice that I was so upset. I didn't even bothered. They didn't care, they never did.
I couldn't stop myself from crying and tearing. I was listening to Khalil Fong's songs the whole entire day. No kidding. I cried myself to sleep while listening to his songs.
I really wanted to go. Please let me have another chance. Please.
Not being able to have what you want so badly till nothing can even cheer you up. Not even a Chanel bag could cheer me up. This is how upset I was.
I think I have depression now.
Missing this beautiful sight... Regret of my life...
Rosy if you hear me
Won't you dare come near me
I cross my heart I've got a lot to earn
And Rosy if you see me
You had best believe me
Oh I got a love I have to give
Forgive me being the one who said goodbye
說LOVE OH LOVE 這是什麼
LOVE OH LOVE 你怎麼了
Cried my eyeballs out :'(
Definitely not my week. Spent my weekend cleaning up the whole house while my parents and sister laze around the house. Unfair. I didn't even buy anything when we go out, instead, my sister and mother bought so many things. Maxine got the most stuff because she throws tantrums and shows her asshole shitface attitude. I have been helping my dad do his work and I get nothing. Not even allowance. Unfair.